There has only been one friend that I ever loaned money to. She pays us back, but it is super annoying. I am and always have been the most generous of my friends and I don’t mind…most of the time. When it comes to being a good friend, I think it always comes back to the old maxim of treating people how you would want to be treated. It doesn’t make sense because I don’t expect someone logically to deny themselves every luxury if they’ve borrowed money from a friend. I always try to suggest low cost activities. I have had one friendship hurt by this – mostly because I wouldn’t loan her money. It made me nuts. If they’re bad with their money, they don’t need more money, they need new financial habits. You’re right, money can cause so much division in relationships. I know of some family situations that haven’t workout out well, which can make the whole thing even more uncomfortable because you’re related. Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links. I can’t remember any time in about the last 5 years that I’ve borrowed money from someone. Because I don’t want this to happen. Lending Money To Friends Can Ruin A Friendship. But honestly, there were other more deep-seated issues; the money was just what broke the camel’s back. My mother got burned loaning money to a cousin of mine and as such, I’m leery of loaning money to anyone who doesn’t have a reliable job and good payment history. He said he would pay me back the following month. Am Brooklyn Gray from USA. Or you dipped into joint savings account, without telling your partner, to pay off what you lost on a bad investment. I just try to not ever get in a position like this with someone. For better or for worse, we view a person's style with spending and saving as supremely telling of their character. Or perhaps you insist on using a spreadsheet for even the most minuscule expenditures. I recently saw pictures of him, the baby and his wife having a fabulous time on facebook. It has not happened. 3. I would feel so uncomfortable asking friends for money, and I don’t think I would ever lend money to them. The High Price of Personal Care: Hacking The Cost of Keeping Up Appearances, The Weekly Quick Hits Roundup | Young Adult Money. One of them kept spending like crazy even though she owed me money. Honestly speaking though, there was a time when I was put in a situation where it seems I keep “forgetting to bring my wallet” but I was really broke with a capital B. I am just thankful that the situation has changed for the better. No matter what outing we attend she never has any cash and everyone else has to cover her. I couldn’t get funds from a bank or family. I’ve had friends who have borrowed money in the past and acted like that. Money has never hurt any of my friendships. Has money ever hurt one of your friendships? 2. yes, 8 freaking, which I think is just absurd, especially because this girl had already had a bad reputation for destroying friendships. I was truly shocked when my wife knelt down pleading for forgiveness to accept her back. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. I’m the “broke” one too. Thankfully it has not hurt any of my relationships, but I can see how this could happen easily with any number of friends. Take a step back and acknowledge the differences that you and your partner have and—even more important—understand the ways that your quirks may be related to your upbringing and difficult for someone else to live with. This thinking can blind you to the possibilities of compromise, which often exist in the gray areas you ignore with such pronouncements. Debts to friends are still real debts, even if they come without interest, and maybe even more so with your friendship at stake. Maybe you secretly resent how easily your partner got that high-paying job while you struggle to land freelance gigs. I hope I’ve never done these things! Thinking secrets aren't a big deal. A real friend is like winning the lottery. Leaving money out of friendships- except maybe for gifts or donations- is probably the best policy. Friends share their worries with one another; they believe in mutual understanding and support. Yikes! There are just way too many risks, as you mentioned above, and we value our relationships with family and friends far above money! You’re no longer BFFs, confidants and bosom pals. Do you go on spending sprees when you're upset? I also have a sibling who is married to a very successful business owner. If you can follow that you’ll be okay. It sickens me that a family so wealthy would take advantage of a girl who was barely surviving in an expensive city, drowning in debt. Validate Their Feelings. I’ve never borrowed money from friends. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I would ask someone in my family first as we have loaned money to each other before with no problems. Mistakes happen, cash runs out, things get forgotten, but if your friends CONSISTENTLY wind up having to cover your financial blunders, they WILL start to resent you. It's true that compromise doesn't always work perfectly with money issues. Sadly some people just can’t be relied upon. After a friend loans you money, in whatever amount, for whatever reason, pay it back AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Our intention was to help friends in need and trusted in them to repay the money, we have lost the money and the friendship. I just take it as a learning experience. Marlene Dietrich "My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me." Are you serious? Then PM Modi implemented a "faulty GST" and small, middle-sized businesses were destroyed as "he cleared the way for his 3-4 crony capitalist friends", the Congress leader claimed. I haven’t had a friend ask me for money in a long time. Even if you don’t say it, it seems thinking of your “loan” as a “gift” and being prepared to part with that money, possibly forever, is the only way to not let the situation destroy your friendship. Your email address will not be published. I’ve heard too many horror stories, even just in the comments today. This is the most wonderful thing i have ever experienced. I guess for me it’s more about the principle of being paid back than the money itself. Failing to bring up an issue and then getting so annoyed with a friend as a result that they begin to badmouth the friend. On the other hand, it can often be a recipe for disaster and lost friendships. If your partner spends more than the agreed-upon budget for the month, do you see it as a specific problem to be solved, or do you bemoan the fact that he or she is lazy, selfish, or careless? Or maybe you're simply envious of how your partner doesn't seem to spend any time worrying about money or crunching numbers, whereas it takes up an enormous amount of your mental energy. I later found out that I was paying ALL of the utilities. Also, toxic friends, rarely, if ever, listen to your problems. Try to resist the temptation to turn it into a bigger issue about character, which will only make you more upset and put your partner more on the defensive. If I know a certain activity or event isn’t going to be financially viable I’ll either opt out or suggest an alternative to my friends. Because money has the potential of triggering things like greed or jealousy, feelings of inequality, etc. “Some friends are like pennies, two-faced and worthless.” – Unknown. I would ask someone in my family first as we have loaned money to each other before with no problems. I have consistently given out money to a friend in the hopes that he would get on his feet and be financially responsible. Sexual Arousal Is Not a Reliable Sign of Sexual Desire, Money Can Buy at Least One Type of Happiness, Consider Skipping New Year's Resolutions in 2021. I’m sorry that happened to you. That’s why I do my best to keep money out of my relationships (at least the relationships that don’t require it). Everything you said is true. I'm a saver" or "We'll never see eye to eye on money matters because we're wired so differently." Good for you for setting the example. Find many great new & used options and get the best deals for Money Changes Everything : Twenty-Two Writers Break the Final Taboo--How Money Transforms Families, Tests Marriages, Destroys Friendships, and Sometimes Manages to Make People Happy by Jenny Offill and Elissa Schappell (2008, Trade Paperback) at the best online prices at eBay! 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